Trump Bypasses Congress Using Legal Theory Based on Columns That Don't Exist
President's triumphal arch balloons from proposed 60-foot tribute to 250-foot gold monument, alienating original proponents and veterans alike.…
"Just initial here, here, and here." Real reports on their "fender benders."
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President Takes Time Between Golf and MMA to Review Pope's Job Performance on Social Media
President criticizes first American pope as too liberal while claiming personal credit for his ascension. Pope continues calling for peace.…
Chris Pratt Gets Superhero Body, Wife Tells Him She Preferred Him Fat: A Prophecy
After getting ripped for a magazine shoot, this husband learned a terrible truth: looking better is the fastest way to ruin your marriage.…
Man Who Decides Flood Relief Claims God Beamed Him Across Georgia, Servers Say They'd Remember the Weirdo
Gregg Phillips says God moved him to a Georgia Waffle House. The staff who've seen knife threats and overdoses say they'd remember that.…
Trump Administration Discovers New Way to Fund Big Oil: Just Pay Them to Not Do Renewables
Trump admin gives French oil giant TotalEnergies nearly $1 billion in taxpayer funds to abandon offshore wind projects and drill for oil instead.…
Dodger Stadium Debuts $75 Cup, Discovers Exact Dollar Amount Where Nostalgia Meets Financial Self-Harm
A $75 Shohei Ohtani souvenir cup sparked outrage, got discounted, sold out, then resold for $290. Welcome to the collectibles economy.…
Nation Discovers Humility Was Just Performance Art All Along, Immediately Abandons It
Source: New York Times
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Cultural trend shows rise of "toxic confidence" replacing millennial impostor syndrome, with underqualified people…
Hegseth Implements Revolutionary Merit System Where Secretary Personally Reviews Every Black Officer's Term Papers From Grad School
Source: The New York Times
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Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth unilaterally removed four officers (two Black, two women) from Army one-star…
Mom's Anti-Bullying Campaign Features Kidnapping, Threats, Possible Life Sentence
Source: Cowboy State Daily
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Shannon Marie Tufuga charged with child kidnapping and aggravated child abuse after allegedly forcing 11-year-old boy…
Pentagon's Autonomous Jet Ski Program Literally Washing Up on Foreign Shores, Officials Call This "Progress"
Source: Bloomberg
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The Trump administration blacklisted Anthropic for refusing to enable mass surveillance and fully autonomous weapons, then immediately contracted…
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